I’ve got a lot of people that support me. I’ve got a loving family and caring friends. I’m sure there are a lot of people that think what I’ve done is, well, dumb, but they will continue to show support for me and my decisions. I’ve had people laugh and make jokes about my decisions. I’ve been asked, “What’s your plan for when this writing thing doesn’t work out?” You get it all ya know, and it’s not specific to me, it’s anything. Whatever decisions you make in life you will have supporters, doubters, and laughers. It doesn’t matter who you are, I mean, Hiter had friends…..
It’s important to me to thank and do my best to show my appreciation for the supporters. (Real quick just so everyone knows, I won’t mention Hitler anymore in this post.) The doubters can piss right off, I don’t need any one persons belief in me to make this journey a success for myself. I will be honest though, and say the laughers get to me, not that they affect me, but those moments stick with me. And I know I know, never let em see you sweat. It’s one thing to have someone not believe in me, like I said once already, if you don’t believe in me, I don’t care, I believe in me. BUT! If you find my dreams comical and laughable, thank you. I remember the laughers.
All of that however is really overshadowed by one thing, me. You see, I’m my biggest supporter. I don’t know who my biggest doubter is, because it sure as shit isn’t me, but if I doubted myself then I made a big mistake quitting my job and selling my home for this. I am my biggest critic though. Something that I struggle with is constantly having the feeling that I’m not doing enough. I know that if I don’t take days off I’ll lose my mind, and I know that I do a lot, but I can’t shake that thought.
One of the best feelings I get in all of this is posting an article. I love posting an article on either of my sites and just waiting, it’s a thrill. How’s it going to do? Are people going to like it? Will people engage with me about the post? I’ve got an article posted that 650 people have read, and I’ve got an article that 13 people have read. No doubt that issues two completely different feelings. At the end of the day however, I come to the same conclusion after two very different outcomes. When I had 650 people read my article on players kneeling during our national anthem, I was so motivated to sit back down and write more. When I wrote about opening day and 13 people read it, I was so motivated to sit down and write more.
I’m tough on myself, but so motivated by myself. I want to write, and that’s what I’m doing. I beat myself up with that thought that I’m not doing enough, but that has it’s place as a positive. It’s a motivator to get my ass back to the desk and continue to grind.