Dream Chapters

Hey Anxiety Nice To Meet You

My encounter with a beast named anxiety. How I process and overcome being weighed down by stress.
I’ve always been able to keep a lid on it. What happens when the stresses begin to overflow? How do I handle the fight when I meet this anxiety character for the first time? And how did it make its way into my life since I’ve always done such a good job of keeping it out?

As Worries Begin To Pile Up

Not uncommon to many, my life is a juggling act. It’s a masterful act when preformed correctly. The juggle is a balance which requires care, attentiveness, and discipline, but it’s hard to always juggle everything on your own. I can juggle a lot and hadn’t met a task or performance that I couldn’t handle on my own. Recently I made a mistake that I didn’t realize I was making until it was to late. When five things turn into six, when seven things turns to eight. It all became too much for me to juggle.

The stresses

  • Home schooling
  • My girl works six days a week
  • Being alone with the kids
  • My parents are moving and I need to help them with their move as much as I can
  • My own move as me and my girl are set to move in together at the end of the year
  • Focusing on making the family time we all have together genuine and involved
  • balancing all chores at home
  • Making time for me to work on my writing and focusing on my own goals through all of this

Now that’s a lot going on and for me to juggle, but not unmanageable. The problem was that I needed help and didn’t ask for it. I didn’t need much help, but I needed some and the thought of asking for it never crossed my mind. I let the stress of everything that needed to be done, and done sooner than later overwhelm me.

I’ve had heart issues in the past and a big contributing factor to me having these issues comes up in stress. It got to me and I began having issues with my heart that I hadn’t experienced in quite some time. I started to have issues sleeping at night, both falling asleep and staying asleep. Now I’m stressed and exhausted and it became too much for me to handle and boiled over. I felt like I was staring into the eyes of this anxiety person that I had never met until that very moment.

After lying in bed for hours staring into the dark I decided to get up. Maybe I can turn a tv on and watch a show or something to occupy my mind, It didn’t help. I sit on the couch at about 3:00am recognizing what I’m doing. I tell myself that all I need to do is come up with a plan, a one day at a time plan. If I give myself a schedule for tomorrow and focus solely on making small accomplishments rather than worrying I’ll be able to get some things off of my plate and be back on track.

I figured out what anxiety means because even though I knew what I had to do I couldn’t. My negative thoughts and stresses were winning the battle. I couldn’t mentally overcome and put my mind in the place that it needed to be in. Anxiety is weird man, and for me experiencing it for the first time I really felt for those that have to fight this beast on a more frequent basis.

I learn how to address these issues

To simple of an explanation, but when it doubt, Google it. Enough had become enough and I was ready to do anything and take any advise to get my head back on straight. I did the little things that good’ol uncle Google told me to. Things like talk to someone about it, drink tea, cuddle, light a candle, make lists. If these simple things sound silly to you, they sounded silly to me too, but I was committed to fixing this problem.

I went back into the room and lit a candle, although maybe annoying to my sleeping girlfriend I pulled her onto me so I could lay together with her. I focused on my breathing and thought about the conversation that I needed to have with her to get certain stresses off of my chest. I mentioned that I’m not much of a communicator when it comes to personal issues or stresses, but getting prepared to have that conversation was one heck of a relief. I didn’t sleep that night, but laid down calmly and productively slowly taking back control of my mind and stresses.

When the time came I got up, had my tea and communicated that I have been struggling and want to have a conversation about those struggles. Although exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally at this point, I felt great.

Sometimes All You Have To Do Is Talk

I had my conversation and didn’t have to ask for much. I needed to get some sort of relief in how much pressure I was feeling with the move. I needed more time with our move, not a lot, but having a little bit more time was a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I needed us to be more diligent in our conversations about the move in-regards to what items will stay and what will go. These asks were simple and my honey had zero issues in obliging me in them, but what I found that I needed more than anything was to just talk. The weight of all of my stresses became light and the load I bared on my shoulders became manageable again.

This all went down about two weeks ago and I’ve felt great since. I have complete control over my mind and stresses which makes them all but simple to juggle once again. Any advise I could muster up to someone feeling overwhelmed is find someone that you love to carry some of your load. I don’t mean hand things off, but find comfort in the support that you have rather than feeling at times like you’re on your own. I have a wonderful support system in my family and failed to use that support to help me through a hard time. I needed a shoulder and my pride didn’t allow me to see that it was right in front of me. I cleared my chest and have been back on course riding at full speed. Excited for every opportunity and moment I have in front of me.

A big shout out to the ones I love that make all of this possible for me.

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