Dream Chapters

Christmas, My December Naughty And Nice List

Find out what's on my Christmas naughty and nice list.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, right? Yeah, it is. Even the Grinch came around to liking Christmas after a while. I personally love Christmas. I’m that weird dude that starts listening to Christmas music in like July. So would you believe me when I say I’m glad it’s finally over?

What Is There To Love About Christmas?

I Love The Way It Smells

I celebrate a real Christmas, not a foe Christmas, so if you’re one of those fake tree people, you won’t get this one. But ohhhh the smell of the Christmas tree. The pine needles fill my nose with glee.

I’m also a sucker for those cinnamon-scented Christmas pine cones. The aroma from those things fills every inch of the house with this incredible festive smell. You get used to the smell from the tree after a while, but those pine cones always smell delicious.

I Love The Way It Looks

I love the lights! You don’t even have to like Christmas to enjoy the lights. They’re just awesome and make me feel good. If you have a problem with Christmas lights, you suck, and I’m not sorry about that. About two weeks ago I saw a house absolutely covered in like 200 light-up Santa figurines. I mean, it was an eyesore, but it was awesome.

I Love The Way It Feels

It’s cold in December, but there isn’t a warmer feeling than snuggling up to a loved one under a blanket while watching a classic Christmas movie. Just like that blanket, the heat from the fireplaces wraps you up tight in its warmth.

Now that you’re warm on the outside, you surely can’t forget about the inside. I like to reach for the hot apple cider. Mix in a little bourbon and put a bow on the end to a perfect night.

What’s Not To Love About Christmas?

That Goddamn Elf
Christmas time on Dream Chapters with this damn elf
Trying to eliminate this little bastard from Christmas 2021

Every night moving this little bastard from bookshelf to bathroom to swinging from the ceiling fan. The elf on a shelf is fun for parents for like a week. Then we wake up in a panic every other day because we forgot to move it. There’s only so much mischief this guy can get into.

However, the joy that the children took from waking up every morning and knowing that our Buddy Elfy had moved was really a great thing. Kids love it; if you don’t have one, get one. I’m just here to give you a heads up that you personally, as an adult, will hate it.

The Coordination

My son’s mother and I aren’t together. My girlfriend and her daughter’s dad aren’t together. My parents live two hours away. My girl’s parents don’t live two hours away, but we’re obviously going to see them for Christmas too. I’m not going to break all these facts down. I’m just going to say that the kids have to spend Christmas with a lot of people. The tiny problem, Christmas is only one day.

All you blended family people out there know the struggle. It’s never perfect, but you’ve got to work together with all members of the family to fit the pieces of this Christmas puzzle together. Mix in a little give and a little take, and hopefully, it all works out.

The Strict Schedule

With that circus act of coordination we just mowed over, you could only imagine the schedule that comes with making that work. It is tight, and it is strict.

  • Kids will be picked up at this time!
  • We will leave the house at this time!
  • We will head to the next house at this time!
  • One kid is getting picked up at this time!
  • The other is being dropped off at this time!

That was a boring ass list to read, but you get my point.

The Mountain Of Gifts

I don’t know about your family, but my family balls out during Christmas. I’m talking about floor-to-ceiling presents. It’s like a holly jolly episode of Hoarders. (I love that show, by the way) It’s so much fun for the kids to open all of those gifts, but not fun for the guy that has to find a place to put it all away! For your information, I’m that guy, I am he, and he is me.

It’s more presents than the kids can even play with. I get them presents, my honey buys presents, her parents, my parents, it’s too much! You know how much of that stuff the kids will still be playing with in March? My estimation is 20-30 percent.

The joy is in watching the kid’s faces light up when they first see the sheer volume of gifts. And seeing that ear to ear smile as they tare through them all. When that’s all over, what are you left with? A lot of stuff, that’s what.

My honey and I have already made the plan for next year. Each kid will get three or four presents from us. They will get enough stuff at the end of the day. We will focus on solid gifts we know will last, and they will play with or use for the long haul.

The Tare Down

I’m counting this part of the Christmas process as a nuisance, but really it could go either way. It isn’t fun to remove decorations from all over the house. Nor is it to take every ornament off the tree and put it back into its own specific box. It’s time-consuming and tedious.


Once all of that is done in the house, I get to go outside. There are places you can drop your tree off, and they will take care of it for you.

Christmas fudge that noise!

I’m playing with my saw and cutting that green monster into a bunch of tiny pieces and putting it in the green bin. Why? Cause saws rule.

Finally, the lights, the lights that took me four hours to put up, must come down. This is also tedious, but I get to be outside on a ladder, smoking cigars by myself… Not a bad time.

There You Have The Naughty And Nice Of Christmas

In closing, Christmas is a pain in the butt, but a good pain in the butt…. Is that a weird thing to say? Maybe instead, I’ll describe it as putting jalapeƱos in my breakfast. Delicious but painful? That doesn’t work either.

Ok, I got it I got it, I love Christmas.

Yeah, you’ve got to coordinate, clean up, and move that Christmas fudgin elf, but that’s Christmas. And the nice far outweighs the naughty. I love it, and I can’t wait till next year.

Here is your Christmas 2021 countdown

Happy New Years Ya Filthy Animals

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